I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
