I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the condom got lost in my hair
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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