We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
