and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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