I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
