pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
