ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
