dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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