We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
