I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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