The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
