she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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