I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am mentally ready for anal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
