Pants 0. Shit 1.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
