is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
