girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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