why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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