My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
