yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
