also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
