D3 body, D1 cock
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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