I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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