At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
