I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
