My room smells like vodka and shame
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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