Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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