my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
