Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As shirtless as possible
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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