this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
