honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
