im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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