remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
