You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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