And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
