Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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