Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
