I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
