If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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