I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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