im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
