very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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