I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
