Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
