My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
