so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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