just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
