I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She bit a glass in half.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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