just come out here and I will go home with you...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
