if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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