Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
