just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
